"Deconstructed" - by Ben F'N Mollin

I had the great pleasure of attending Ben Mollin's book signing of "Deconstructed - Kill The Thing That's Killing You". I know Ben through my bride Christi, and they are good friends.

I have not read the book yet, and we own two copies. I am waiting to finish some Shakespeare before I move onto my copy of Ben's book. My take on Ben, is that he is very good, and that I am very appreciative for how he helps others to get through their own chaos. I cannot write specifics, because I do not know Ben or the specifics. I just know from my heart.

From this admiration of Ben I showed up at his book signing with camera in hand, not to just take photographs and blog, but to take photographs and to "watch the man". I was very pleased. One is admired by those they surround themselves by, and those they help. His peeps there this day were just like him; humble, real, positive, supportive. I cannot wait until I read his book, which I will, and then write my say in this same blog post after I do. Until then here are my photographs.

Get Yourself A Copy

Thank you, Ben, for allowing me to photograph.

Thank you to my bride, Christi, for knowing such a wonderful person, and who took the photograph on the cover of the book!

My Take From The Book, or should I write, Analysis of Ben and Wes?

I found the book to be refreshingly honest. It is how Ben turned his two attempted suicides into one undeniable life, which means you also need to read and understand how he got there via his life journey. There are may outtakes from his book that can help anyone, suicidal or not. I feel helped right now, so Thank You, Ben!

I finished reading the book 1/2/2026. It was an on and off venture, and I would say an easy read. The writer, Lori Lynn (LoriLynnOnline.com), did a superb job of writing Ben's wild mind. I also need to state, I am not a writer let alone a book reviewer. My background / educational upbringing has been in engineering technology, not writing. I actually sucked big in English class during school. So, I am proceeding without formal structure in my first attempt at writing a review. And I can't help but include myself in the review. After all, it is what I am taking away from Ben's and relating to in my experiences.

Speaking of structure, I really enjoyed the structure put to this book. It reflects Ben, taking on challenges within challenges within challenges, and in order to keep all this straight the only clear way to present it is by topic, and in somewhat a chronical order as one can. You may feel at first that you are being jumped around, but in fact you are completing clear moments, where in life moments do overlap each other and that overlap makes it difficult to understand.

I will start out, Ben is an Idiot, and a genius. More on that later. I just wanted to get that down because you may look at is similarly. Please don't let that get in your way of reading the book.

To put this review in a frame as to where I am coming from, I just finished "William Shakespeare: The Taming Of The Shrew", Penguin Classics (reissued Penguin Classics 2015). My first attempt at reading literature. Now, I have an analytical mind, and the book challenged my mind, like I had to think in a 5 x 5 array (or in five dimensions if you will). "Who's on first" really pertained here. Going right into Ben's book my mind caught on to how the book is laid out, and finishing Shakespeare probably helped too. That's just me, how I'm wired. Wired . . . ha . . . I used that explanation a lot in my writings, and Ben does too.

So, back to the book. After a dozen or so pages I had to come to a conclusion that Ben is an idiot. That was the only way I could rationalize what I was reading.  A great guy, fun guy, but an idiot in the most friendly way one can state. After talking with my Bride, she stated Ben would probably agree with me. Up until this point too, it has been "just reading" for me. Yes, I hear his "voice" and it does weigh as to his character, which I like, a lot. I am not sure he is what you would call the "norm", in that he seemed to be a lot freer spirited growing up than anyone I ever knew. This is likely why he is who he is, and it could not have, or would not have, changed any personal outcome of his no matter what path he took. There seems to be a destiny, the journey that he cannot forsake. At least that is my perception up to his point in the book.

Being a hairstylist has been an important function in Ben's life, sort of starting off blindly, figuring out if he is good at it or not, and pursuing this path as his "home" for decompression I think. At least from what I can recall from reading up to page 40, I do not find an explanation as to why he was interested being a hairstylist other than he gave a classmate a spiral perm when in 10th grade. How did he really get there; Why did he really do it? Were there interests growing up that pointed him there?

Up to page 40 I have been okay with what I have read. Then a very powerful section for me came up, "Permission from an adult." I never had that growing up, and when reading Ben's experience, I felt a loss of needed experience. I think this is why when I give others "praise", that it really means something to them, because they respect me. My praise has given them permission. Is this perhaps what early on, sets us on our deserved or something journey? My son Nick had Mr. Daley in 8th grade as a teacher, and became the motivated person he is today because of Mr. Daley. I had nobody, with exception of my mom who always told me she loved me (like out of the blue from my viewpoint), who probably saw a loss in motivation in me and addressed it how she knew best. "Permission from an adult" is probably one of the shortest statements in his book, and the most powerful to me.

By page 47 I realized that nobody during my learning life "showed me", as been had been shown how to improve his hairstyling. I can't help but believe this level of showing would have changed my life for the better. I was "mass taught", crunched through, spit out and ending up learning on my own the slow and hard way, which is not necessarily the best way. Parks College was the only time I was "shown", in my Oil & Fuel Systems class. I still remember that class, the teacher, the collectiveness of the class along with the individual classmates and teacher quirks, that I apply today. My "building block" approach to life that I explain, adding blocks to rise you, such that if anyone were to kick one out from under me, I would have many more to keep balance and to remain elevated. (I came to this philosophy before I knew about Steven Covey and the Emotional Bank Account thing.)

People connect differently to life. It is obvious Ben's connection is unique, and because of how he is wired. I use that term of people being "wired" differently, each being unique, and Ben acknowledges that his take on things and actions he takes is because of how he is wired.

Ben describes his "Ben Mollin Project". Of interest was Ben's use of writing down down three areas of expertise. People I guess were struggling with this. Basically, what these people said they did daily, Ben restated in a positive statement way that reflected their expertise, giving people praise through their own words to help them rethink, remake themselves into what they already are and did not realize. Recognition. Like buying a piece of art from a young student because it was exceptional. Being that person people look up to saying great work. This gives people the courage to rethink or reinvent themselves, in what they already know and do, and to grow in the same. To me Ben learned the importance of role models early in his life, understood the mission, and finally found his footing by this point in the book (and life) to map a possible journey for success.

Around this point in the book I can only envision his candor as always being real, and heartfelt by others. This is a mark of a leader, whether one knows it or not.

Then around pp. 102 to 103 reality hits. Of course it hits Ben, but as a reader you are invested in Ben, sucked in, feeling as scared as he most likely was. It could be from your own encounters, or encounters you see coming, the fear is the same, spread out from the book to reality.

Page 113, Ben's not suicidal but a genius. Again, recognition of what you may have felt but had a hard time realizing. This was a permission to Ben to see what he truly was, a genius. Nobody ever said that to him, in a heartfelt way I believe, throughout his busy career. Seems like he was more used by others with himself at his own reigns.

Ben’s “Mom and Dad” letter to his deceased parents is an important part of this book. Yet, it is difficult to connect with, for me anyway. The closest I come is working past retirement, working for the man, totally hating it, and believing I had to do it to survive. Quitting work, becoming a retiree, and rearranging my thoughts and life became crucial to my survival, and also the happiest outcome that my parents would have wanted. So, in a way yes, the same, but not the same. This topic people need to do a good job personalizing it to grasp the meaning, and what needs to be done going forward to “clean house” as it were, doing a paradigm shift, to set yourself on a better journey. To Deconstruct if you will.

You will relate to Ben’s life in one way or another. Yes, he is wired differently than most. He does not fit the stereotypical mold, if there is one. Ben and I are wired differently, but not completely different. You will find something to relate to in this book. The book is easy to read, meaningful if not to you in great part, it will in some small part, or through a new lens to see others who might share in a similar harmful pain who you can help.

Page 158 at the bottom, “they listened. It was incredible.” I believe Ben felt for the first time that he was real. No commercialization to surround him in a fake emotional world. It was Ben, raw, and now being recognized for it, for the greatness he is that is not to himself, but to life. I see him now as being proud of himself. Everyone needs to feel that, and believe that, and Ben IS one person who can and will strive to help you in that.

As Ben mentions he is now on a journey to help others, and I will add, to continue their journey. Unlike earlier where I needed to be shown to learn, preventing suicide has a different path to follow. You need someone to listen to you, as Ben found in 2019 at Seattle. That listening, without comments to direction, I believe put Ben on the better journey. He now listens to others, and it is up to the others to find their journey with Ben’s listening.

Ben is wired, or at least has rewired to the fact, for crisis management. Throughout his life when there was a crisis, he was able to manage it without self-destruction. In fact, one might say he thrived on being able to manage a crisis. It may have taken him away from his own headaches of that time. On page 160 he stated, “Bad decisions usually come when you’re sad, hungry, or angry – I’ve learned to wait those out. So now I let things pass. That’s how I stay on track.” That is a big statement, one that very few of us can make. I lack patience. But reading this, I now can change because I have a foundation to stand on. The building block approach of mine now has one more block to stand on.

Deconstructed now, at this point of the book, is making a lot of sense. As Ben’s surroundings or life became intense, he realized that the past is just that, so drop it. We are not guaranteed tomorrow, so don’t become obsessed with it. Deal with now. If it becomes too much, break it down. Take it down to dealing with it minute my minute, or second by second depending on the intensity. In my words, “make it bite size” so that you can problem solve, to have that time for yourself no matter how incremental it must be, to deal with the crisis, to make better decisions “with your life” so that you do not throw it away. Just deal with the present. So many scenarios play out to this, just not suicide.

Ben also mentions the need for emotional resets. “Cold plunging” works for him. Depending on how you are wired, thinking too far ahead can bring you more trouble too. Ben recognized that and he found his reset. I am finding reading his book an emotional reset for myself. I am finding reading his book an emotional reset for myself. Do I need to write it again?! Great shit, Ben . . .

Deconstructed and running. Sometimes to get away from shit not working, we need a paradigm shift. To take a different path. Other times we just need to work through our shit until it becomes easier. Life throws us challenges. We need challenges to feel good about ourselves, which also means we need some level of success with those challenges to be proud of ourselves. This is the key, being proud, as Ben recognizes. Having realistic (and challenging) goals and preparation to meet those goals is a way to success. I don’t like bringing up things that not everyone knows, however it is appropriate here that you need S.M.A.R.T. goals to help obtain that feeling of accomplishment. (Look up that acronym.) Learn from your decisions.

Your perception of reality early in life, and what you do to bring reality to your life, is the shift one makes. To emphasize once again, this is something that does make you proud of yourself. Could you have done this right out of the gate? I’m not sure. For most I doubt it. Life’s struggles and how we deal with those struggles are what makes us, and unfortunately for those who continue to struggle, it can break us. This book goes way beyond seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. It helps to destroy that tunnel so that you can see only light. Fight to find Your spiritual awakening. Sometimes a crisis is needed, something profound for you to see change is needed. You hung onto the old thought for way too long that it will get better, doing everything to “pad” it, allowing the chaos to happen like it is a natural thing to do, just hoping for the best as an outcome. Ben sorted through and finally saw the bullshit in his life through deconstruction. Being shown he had value, being called brilliant by someone of authority, to seeing they “listened” to him, all of that helped create the positive path Ben found to make a journey with. Get rid of the bullshit. Deal with it by the second if you must. Most of all find ways to be proud of yourself. It starts and ends with yourself.

What I find exciting is that no matter who you believe you are, Ben’s book does help you to deconstruct yourself, to take a look at who you have been, who you are, and helps you to smile and say thank you to Ben, as he touches on parts of your own life. Ben has a mission, like the Blues Brothers, and his is to make sure as best he can, to help those in a suicidal state to take value in themselves, to become proud in some way, and to grow that into a life that becomes blessed and not hated.

I have cancer. Does this book help me? Yes!

My mind wonders toward non-productivity, holding me back from moving forward. Does this book help me? Yes!

This book is about life. A healthy life is a good life. It has nothing to do with money, believe me, I have little of it and know. My hardship has been working for the man, thinking I needed to focus on making money for him to survive. It was not until I forced myself to take retirement, then struggle the first six months or so wondering if I made the right decision, to realize that is what I needed to shift myself to a new me. I needed that deconstruction to realize my meaning. Would this book have helped me get there sooner? I can’t answer that with any positiveness. We are all wired differently, and there are changes in dynamics for the times we see in. I do know that right now this book helps me make sense of my decisions up to now, so that I feel proud. Fulfilled. It gives me acknowledgement. Ben even has given me a hug, figuratively.

So, Ben is not an idiot as I started writing. He is just Brilliant. He figured it out and now has that abundance of energy to share or to help others with, as others like him have in their lives. We are all crazy. Me, I have a simple flip phone $11 / month. Yet I am still crazy even without having the added craziness of all that smart phone shit people deal with. Dump the crazy, it is most likely self imposed.

Find your genius however you can, and remember we are wired differently, different geniuses. Be supportive of one another. Love one another. Give each other a hug. Most of all, be proud of yourself even in the smallest way.

Thank you Ben for not knowing you, and knowing you. ― Wesley

________________________________________________________________

You can see a categorized thumbnail of my blogs by going to StreetPhoto.Me.

Further down this blog post are five buttons to click on: E-mail this, Blog this, Share to Twitter, Share to Facebook, and Share to Pinterest. Please take advantage of them and share this blog post with your friends.

The "219 Music™" and "219 Art™" are owned trademarks of Wes Bushby.

Click on this line and read my copyright.