Do not be disgruntled by this blog post!
This is not putting me in a panic. I knew life is short, and it was not until perhaps age 50 that I also knew there is more to life than working for the man. We need time to live. To live outside our jobs. To live outside paying taxes. Just live.
Writing this I am perhaps taking the harsher approach, in that it could easily be put into remission. The opposite can also happen. Today I may find out some more information, tomorrow even more, and until then each tomorrow I am choosing to enjoy life as if This cannot change me but for the better.
I enjoy photography because of the voice and memories I create, that I can use it to document and reflect back upon. I also want to become more literate, meaning to study literature and writing. That was my plan the day before yesterday, and is still my plan, I think, until the time that it no longer makes sense. Back to school?
This also shows me what is important, like my son and Bride Christi. I feel much more for them than I do about my personal situation. Things not so important are becoming more clear, e.g. my school books, class notes, research papers. My photos, and multiple diplomas from University, will be kept until no longer needed, as well as my collection of history with the family of Bushby Aircraft, that include not only my Dad, but also my Cousins, and the Midget Mustang and Mustang II experimental aircraft that my Dad devoted his life to. My Mom, well she is with me daily.
I hope my photography improves because of This, with the chaos of life that is pronounce I will discard, yet make sure humanity is still heard.
My visit to Chicago Botanic Garden . . .
What was super cool today was the water shimmering in the light. Some pretty cool reflections and imagery could be captured. The effects remind me of some art I have from my friend Mary Angelini.
Have you read my other recent blogs that I like benches? I always have, and as I get older I find the need for them. Today I had to rest a few times to let my legs and back recover. I was grateful that Chicago Botanic Garden has dispersed them in some very appropriate locations, at least for my needs.
Bench seat jackpot!!! lol
One has to appreciate the effects of position, and a zoom lens. These next two photographs are of the same foreground, which change in how far I was away from the "mask" and keeping my screen filled with the mask.
The 48-bell tower of the Theodore C. Butz Memorial Carillon. I had never been up there because of crowds. Today it was blocked off to no foot traffic. I will make it there soon enough.
The Trellis Bridge that paths you to the Plant Science Center building.
"Does anybody really know what time it is?" - Chicago (1969)
I have walked by this a few times, yet by the time I get here I am a bit tired out from walking, and do not go up to it to see what it is. The next photograph is at the Lavin Plant Evaluation Garden. Best if you read more by clicking here, rather than me try to explain. This photograph also shows the Sundial sculpture which I still need to take a closer look at.
So, as I sat on a bench to recuperate, I pan side to side just to see, and before I leave I look down. Sort of like my other post when I stated sometimes you need to look behind to see you are moving forward. This is what I saw. Simplicity of life.
"You are here" on the map. I made it to Evaluation Garden and kept walking the path, passed by the map, turned thinking I better take a look at it because I never travel knowing where I am going, and ah ha! "You are here", and I am about to walk off the map, like the feeling you might walk off the edge of flat earth. I turned around.
The photograph below I sat at the bench to the right to rest, to look around, and to take photographs.
In the next photograph, when I saw it with no water this time, I flashed back to "Logan's Run" (1976) and one of the scenes in the movie.
This was a rough location to photograph. I heard the ladies talking so I just spent time setting exposure because I photograph in full manual mode. After they passed I heard children coming, so I tried to take a quick photograph however they turned the corner. Tried again just to be interrupted again by another group of children, then another group, and another. Then of course, the last group just stood in front of me while I held the camera pointed in their direction (away from my eye). I am glad I have some patience (not totally, but more than most). After it felt safe again I took the photograph I was looking for.
Sitting on a bench, on a infinitely tiny spot in this universe, and photographing my shadow. Figures. I positioned for a portrait picture, hence why my arm is up. I did think about trying to contort my body to take the photograph without seeing my arm up, but that thought went out the other ear quick.
We planted one of these Arctic Fire Red shrubs at home. I only know that because I still have the tab on my desk in front of me right now, to catalog for our yard.
These next two photographs were fun, just because of the interaction. Not that when looking at them they would speak anything to anyone else.
I typically try to photograph people candidly. When I point the camera and I see someone looking direct into the lens, I either ask permission if they are close enough, or gesture for permission if far away. Here I saw the gentlemen looking, I pointed to them and to the camera, then waived to get him to waive. He waived slowly for the photograph, and energetically at the same time because he enjoyed that we were communicating on the same plane from such a far distance. After the photograph I gave a thumbs up for a thanks, and he did the same back for a you are welcome. Roger WILCO and Over and Out kind of a moment. Now that I reflect on all that, this was probably one one biggest "instant moment" of the trip.
Another waiting on people, but not waiting on people. I was totally okay with taking both of these photographs.
Another distant communication before taking this photograph.
I saw these trees at a distance in Parking Lot 2, when walking around. When I left from Parking Lot 1, I drove there to take photographs, cropping out automobiles and other man-made structures where I could.
That brings to mind and past experience. I had people from the UK visiting where I worked for a project I was developing. They were shocked to see all of the above ground wires (power, phone, everything) in what they had perceived as a forward thinking country. They stated that after WWII there's have been underground, for the most part. After they said that to me, I have had a different lens I look through. I get disgusted when I see a beautiful scene that would cause to to pause and reflect, yet makes you just pass on by because of the man-made noise in the same view.
After photographing and editing some of this, I do not feel bad about having cancer. I would sacrifice myself in a heartbeat with no concern to myself, for others. It is not a total disregard to one's health. It is just that I feel more I owe to others than to me. What I do feel is that I have let family and friends down with This. I know I have not, it is just a personal feeling that is there now.
It is also how one sees things suddenly different. I think if you are an artist, that you want to see things differently so that you can explore and create. I see in my own photography that I am “flat”. Meaning, I do not see the path to a creative edge, yet I am still satisfied with my work. Today became different because of This. I felt a bit more creative seeing and photographing today. Not that the physical photographic outcome is better (for you to judge). It is that in my mind I am choosing differently, that change is always good, and I am happy.
I see this in other people’s art as well. Yes, they are enthused about their work, I like their work, but some are flat as well in that they have not gone beyond themselves, or at least to the extend I change my perception of their work. Am I being critical? Of course, and try every day to be critical of my own work. It is hard to do when you have not gone through the process of development as other artists who are successful have. (I am self taught with a studied engineering background.) It is hard, not knowing, not being evaluated in your craft. I think this is why artists who have gone to school, get pushed into areas they knew nothing about, have broken the chains of “I can do this”, to perhaps “I need to continue to experience, experiment, evaluate, and elevate what I am doing”.
After reviewing all the photographs I took this day, and editing what I felt I wanted to, it feels different. I did something different. I may have broken my perception during photography and editing, and moved more toward artistic. Let me know what you think.
Chicago Botanic Garden
1000 Lake Cook Road
Glencoe, IL 60022
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